


Nothing More Than Feelings

by Russ (Quasar)



Series: Time Heals [12]
Category: The Sentinel
Genre: M/M, Missing Scene, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 14:04:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2071113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quasar/pseuds/Russ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair helps Jim understand his anger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing More Than Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Written April 1998. Takes place after the episode "Vendetta."

Blair knelt on the living room rug in front of the coffee table, lighting candles one by one. Incense and even essential oils were too strong-smelling for his sensitive roommate, so he had settled on scented candles. Even so, he still had to avoid some some scents. Sage, his mother's favorite cleansing incense, sent Jim into paroxysms of sneezing. Lavender and bergamot simply made the Sentinel wrinkle his nose. So Blair lit four vanilla candles and three rose candles, the aroma slowly relaxing him with its warm embrace.

He turned his head as footsteps descended the wooden stairs. "Hey," he said softly. "That shower help any?"

"Some," said Jim in annoyance. "I washed my hair twice, I changed my clothes, and I can still smell that damn sewer. Not to mention the horseshit." He glared at the spot on the floor where a pile of horse manure had recently lain.

"Hey, the cleaning service did the best job they could, man. We had all the windows open for two days straight, and you've been staying in a hotel for the past few nights. It should be faded by now."

"Well, it's not," the Sentinel said grumpily. "I can still smell it."

"Why don't you come over here and sit down next to me," Blair said, patting the carpet. "Concentrate on the candles and get those other smells out of your mind."

"They're in the air, Sandburg, not in my mind!"

"I know that Jim," Blair soothed. "I wasn't saying it's your imagination. But you're making it worse by thinking about it all the time. Let your nose work on something else for a while."

Jim came over grudgingly, sitting on the couch rather than the rug.

"Go on, smell the candles, man."

Jim pursed his lips and his nose twitched. The lines on his forehead smoothed out a little.

"Well?"

"I suppose it's an improvement."

Realizing that was all the agreement he would get, Blair settled back into a more comfortable position. "You know, I was thinking," he said slowly.

"Uh-oh."

Blair ignored that. "You really lost your control with Freeman, right?"

"We already discussed that."

"Yeah, I know -- but what I'm saying is in one way, lately you've had a little more control than usual."

"What?"

"With Melanie. When's the last time you actually said no to a woman who really wanted you? And actually pretending you were married -- for you that's going pretty far, isn't it?"

"She was a thief, Sandburg!"

"Jim, uh -- with all due respect, that hasn't stopped you in the past."

The detective scowled. "Didn't you say that wasn't my fault? It was supposed to be pheromones or something, messing up my judgment."

"Yeah, well, I was thinking maybe it was pheromones this time, too."

"Come on, Chief. I wasn't even tempted."

"Pheromones work more than one way. They can produce sexual attraction, yes. They can also make people friendly or hostile or just not interested, depending on how their body chemistry interacts."

"So you're saying Melanie had the wrong body chemistry, and that's why I wasn't interested?"

"Yeah. I mean, didn't you say you found out she was going out with Freeman?"

"Yeah, I could smell him all over her the next morning. I thought he was just hanging around, though."

"Well, if she liked him, but you found his smell so annoying --"

"Sandburg, he had the worst cologne!"

"Maybe it was more than just the cologne, man. Or maybe the cologne had pheromones in it too. A lot of them are made from animal musk. It could be that's why he irritated you so much right from the start, even before we found out what a jerk he is."

"I knew he was a jerk from the minute I saw him," Jim growled.

"Maybe because his body chemistry put you off. And if Melanie's body chemistry was compatible with his, maybe it wasn't compatible with yours."

"What, you're saying I hated Freeman and I wasn't attracted to Melanie because of some pheromone thing?"

"Yeah, could be."

"I have a couple problems with that interpretation, Chief. First of all, if our body chemistry was so incompatible, why was Melanie coming on to me?"

"Uh . . ." Blair hadn't thought of that one. It was just obvious to him that Jim was attractive, and he expected that to be universal.

"And second, you're not leaving any room for higher brain functions here. I do have them, you know, and Melanie just isn't my type of person. The day you should be worried is when I am attracted to a greedy, heartless bitch like that."

Blair shrugged. "Well, it was just an idea, man . . ."

"And another thing. I went totally overboard with Freeman -- we're agreed on that, right? Well, I need to take the responsibility for that, and for making sure it doesn't happen again. Putting the blame on chemistry or pheromones or whatever is just a cop-out."

"I didn't say you should use it as an excuse, man. It could have caused you to feel hostile towards him, but what you did with your feelings was up to you." Blair shook his head. "I mean, look -- you let Melanie down gently with that line about being married." He chuckled. "It wasn't so bad from my end, either. I can't say I minded being called 'honey' and 'sugar'."

"Enough, Sandburg. Could you quit with the married jokes?"

Blair sobered instantly. "Sorry, man. Was I crossing the limits?"

"It just makes me uncomfortable, that's all."

"Okay, you got it, man. New topic. There's something else I wanted to talk to you about anyway."

Jim sighed. "What now?"

"I think you need to learn to start processing, man. You need a new way to deal with your anger. Usually if you can't act on it, you just stuff it into a box somewhere inside of you. That's not good -- one day it's going to explode. That's part of what happened with Freeman. But you weren't just taking your anger out on him -- you were pissed at everybody, starting with the DA and including me, Simon, the whole department."

"Come on, since when have I taken my anger out on you?"

"`Was I talking to you, Sandburg?'" Blair mimicked. "And then there was the way you acted in the jewelry store, and the way you dissed me in front of Simon, and --"

"Hang on, Chief. If I'd known your ego was so delicate, I would have used kid gloves instead."

"See? That's exactly what I mean. You need to get rid of all this negativity and learn to think and speak positively for a change."

Jim rubbed at his forehead. "You've been talking to your mother, haven't you?"

"Just because my mother's unconventional doesn't mean she's wrong. Now, look. There are ways to express anger that are socially acceptable. You can work out, thump a punching bag, shoot some paper silhouettes . . . and it also helps to just let people know that they're annoying you, without being judgmental about it."

"So, what, I'm supposed to say `Excuse me, I don't want to upset you or invalidate your existence on this earth, but you really bug the hell out of me?'"

Blair laughed. "Something like that. It really helps -- you'd be surprised."

"Sandburg, if I'm mad I want to do something about it, not just talk."

"Just talking worked fine a minute ago."

"What?"

"You told me how you were feeling. You came straight out and said you felt uncomfortable with what I was talking about. I don't think you realize what a big step forward that is for you, man."

"Uh . . ."

"And it worked, didn't it? I changed the subject. Sometimes, just simply stating your feelings can be very effective."

"I hate to break this to you, Chief, but I'm not especially happy with this new topic of conversation, either."

"Oh." Blair considered. "Is there anything you do want to talk about?"

Jim looked at his partner. "How about them Jags?"

Blair groaned. "Man, avoidance is like a way of life for you, isn't it?"

"Come on, Sandburg, we've been talking about feelings for ten minutes now. Do you see me running away?"

"Yes, Jim -- you're running away every time you say something sarcastic in order to avoid being open and honest."

"Well, Chief . . . I don't mean to invalidate what you say, but this kind of thing bugs the hell out of me."

"Okay. All right, I give. You're getting a little better, anyway. Look, I was just going to sit here and meditate for a while. Why don't you try it?"

Jim looked doubtful. "Meditate?"

"Sure. Alls it it is spending a little while to relax and think. Process your feelings."

"Feelings again?" Jim groaned.

"Yeah, but you just have to think about them, not talk about them. It isn't nearly as embarrassing. Try it. Just -- think about why you were so angry at Freeman. See if you think that idea of mine makes any sense, or if there was something else behind it."

"Thinking about Freeman is supposed to be relaxing?"

"Other way around -- relaxing is supposed to help you _think_ more clearly. Just focus on the smell of the candles, keep your breathing slow and steady, and that way you can sort of stand back and look at your memories from a distance."

Jim took a deep, slow breath, tension flowing out of him. "Do I have to turn into a pretzel like you?" He gestured at Blair's curled legs.

"Not if it makes you uncomfortable. Sit on the couch if you like -- whatever it takes to stay relaxed but alert. You don't want to doze off, you know?"

"Okay. When do we start?"

"Well -- now."

"Don't you have to stop talking first?"

"Oh. Sorry. Umm -- I'll just, uh --" Blair waved a hand vaguely, then turned to face the candles. Hands palm up on his knees, he began a breathing exercise and centered his concentration on the lights and scents of the dancing flames.

A china clink from the kitchen brought his awareness swimming back to the surface. Glancing at the clock on the VCR, he saw that over an hour had passed. He breathed deeply, stretched, and got to his feet, bending over to blow out the candles.

Jim came out of the kitchen bearing two mugs, and handed one to Blair. "Feel better?" he asked.

"Mmm. Great," Blair responded. He sniffed the mug's contents appreciatively. "Peppermint tea? Since when did you go for the herbal kind?"

Jim shrugged. "I thought it might be nice to stay relaxed."

"So, you got something out of it?"

"I guess." The Sentinel rolled his shoulders. "I don't feel as tight now, anyway."

"Good, good."

"And it was really something to see you sit in one place for so long without a book in your hands."

"Come on, man, I meditate all the time!"

"Yeah, and you usually stop as soon as I walk in. I didn't realize you _could_ be still for that long."

Blair scowled and sipped at his tea. "So did you work anything out about what happened with Freeman?"

"I thought you said I didn't have to talk about it."

"Your choice, man."

"Well . . . I suppose you might have a point. I did get a lot angrier once I got a whiff of that cologne. But I still say the guy behaved like a jerk, and I would have been pissed no matter how he smelled."

"Okay. Great. Now, if you take the time to process your feelings like that regularly, maybe they won't get out of hand."

"Or maybe I'll just get strange looks from the other guys in the department."

Blair was about to make a sarcastic reply when the phone rang. "Hello? Sure, Simon, he's right here." He passed the hand unit to Jim. "Sounds like work."

"Yeah, Captain. Uh-huh. Okay, we'll be right there." Jim clicked off the phone and set it down. "Come on, Chief, encounter session's over. We got a body."

Blair sighed and gulped down the last of his tea. "Great. Looks like I'll need all the calm I can get."

Jim passed Blair his jacket and cuffed him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, buddy -- I'll make sure you do your breathing exercises."

Barely giving them a chance to breathe, the roller coaster started up again.


End file.
